Endings are Beginnings in Disguise
I recently said goodbye to my canine companion of 13 years, Wallace.
Wallace on Alki Beach, Seattle, WA
A big dog with a big personality, he suffered from hip dysplasia and arthritis. In the end, his mobility was severely impaired and it became too painful for him to walk. While it was the right decision, there was nothing easy about it.
And so 13 years of companionship, walks, licking my face, snuggles, drinking from the toilet, multiple medications/injections, frequent vet visits, the consumption of puzzle pieces that fell to the floor, treats from our mail carrier slipped through the mail slot, inappropriate sniffing of guests, trying to inconspicuously sneak off with a giant hunk of cheese during a party, eating out of trash cans, an endless supply of dog fur, and general barking for no reason came to an end on February 12th, 2024.
He was well-loved by his family and community and enthusiastically loved us back. We were lucky to have such a wonderful family member.
This ending offered several lessons:
A renewed appreciation for the companionship and love that I sometimes took for granted with Wallace
Doing the right thing can be incredibly painful and difficult. But I also discovered strength I didn’t know I had
Friends offering support during and after his passing were an incredible gift. I was amazed and touched by the compassion and kindness of friends calling, checking in, and offering support.
Grief is a strange companion. It turns a person into a minefield: everything is fine until someone steps on a mine no one knew was there. I am learning to acknowledge and accept the different emotions that come up whenever they come up. I don't like it, but I don’t have a choice.
As I start to see what lies ahead, I’ve discovered a few gifts left behind by Wallace
A sense of relief knowing that Wallace is pain-free and probably playing with other dogs in his new world. He had been living with hip dysplasia and arthritis for the last 5 years and while he was pain-tolerant, he wasn’t pain-free.
The house stays cleaner longer and the nights are quieter. Wallace was a big shedder and a noisy sleeper.
I leave the house guilt-free for as long as I’d like. Wallace was anxious when left alone.
Suddenly, I’ve gotten better at Wordle. I think Wallace is sending me secret hints…
I’m starting to see that endings and beginnings are two sides of the same coin. When Wallace came to our home, it was the end of a dog-free household, a quiet and mostly clean house, and no vet/pet food expenses. It was also the end of the ‘Mom, can we get a puppy, puh-lease; we promise we’ll take care of it’ refrain from my kids. We all know what happened there.
And now, this ending is the beginning of a new chapter. What adventures and surprises might be ahead? All it takes is one or two steps every day. Wallace, we loved you and we miss you. Thank you for the gifts you brought.