Resolutions, goals, yadda-yadda-yadda
It’s the start of a new year, happy new year to all of you!
While some may be excited about goals and resolutions for 2024, having been around the block a few times, I'm a bit more skeptical. I set goals for years and used to be a big proponent of goals: ‘Write them down!’ I would advise my friends, ‘It really works!’
While goals did work for me for a while, I've discovered a new way to look at making things happen. I believe that goals often lead to all-or-nothing thinking. Did you reach the goal? What got in the way? Are you on track? If you missed a goal, get back on your horse and start again! All that thinking was not helpful. I felt good when I reached a goal, but when I didn't, I was disappointed and beat myself up. I would tell myself that I wasn't disciplined enough, I didn't try hard enough, and I was a failure. It led to further thinking: I can succeed 100% in these areas, but I'm a failure in these other areas of my life.
Spherical stones by Alicja Kwade at the Louisiana Museum of Modern Art - Humlebæk, Denmark
Even with my coaching business: Did I follow my outreach plan? Did I meet my revenue goals? Did I do enough? These thoughts led to my feeling discouraged when things didn't go as planned. Some things were in my control, others weren't.
After working with my coach, I came up with a new way of thinking about my goals. Instead of setting goals, I'm going to have adventures. I found an adventure to be a much more flexible way to think about accomplishing something.
Adventures and goals
Goals are serious business, they need to be SMART. They are also linear, starting at point A and moving as efficiently as possible to point B. Steps tend to be cumulative and hierarchical. Outcomes are usually very specific. You celebrate when you get to the end (if you made it). You either reached your goal, or you didn’t, there’s rarely an in-between state.
Hiking trail to Mount Fløyen, Bergen, Norway
Adventures on the other hand, are much more fun. With an adventure, there are highs and lows, things that work and things that don't. You stretch yourself in one direction, learn something, then try something else. The entire trip is often fun and interesting and the parts that aren't so much fun make for great stories afterward. You meet and connect with fellow travelers. There are rest stops, side trips, unexpected events, and crazy coincidences. Things become flexible and expectations are: you get there when you get there. There's no failure, only an experience and the view as you progress towards the top gets better and better. I find this way of thinking much more inviting and motivating.
After the adventure, you can ask yourself:
What did I like best?
What did I learn?
What did I get good at?
What was the most interesting part?
What do I want to continue to do?
What should I stop doing?
What will my next adventure look like after this experience?
View of Bergen from Mount Fløyen, 2023
So this year, I'm going to have some adventures. I'm not sure where I'll end up, but I'm going to enjoy the ride. What adventures are you planning this year?