Listening as a gift
When was the last time someone listened to you? They took the time to listen quietly and pay attention to your thoughts, without distraction. They heard what you had to say and took it in. No advice, no judgments, just allowing you to think your thoughts, and talk off the top of your head?
Active listening is a coach super-power!
If you've every had someone listen to you and be present for whatever it is you're talking about, it can be a wonderful gift. Just a few moments allowing you to work through whatever is on your mind at the moment.
Active listening is hard to do. Often, as soon as someone starts talking, the brain starts thinking of solutions and helpful advice. It comes from a place of love and wanting to help, but ultimately, it rarely does. And even more challenging, while the brain is busy thinking of solutions and advice, we've stopped listening.
Listening tulips, West Seattle, Spring 2023
In coach training, listening is essential that is practiced over and over. Listening not only for what is being said, but for what is unsaid: the tone, for the pauses, the body language and the emotion behind the thought. Coaches allow for pauses and silence to encourage the client to complete their thoughts. People are always speaking volumes, but rarely being heard.
When I'm processing something in my brain, thoughts tends to spiral, creating story after story to help me make sense of a topic. When thoughts stay inside the brain, they swirl around like a dust cloud, with no real progress. When they're given a chance to be spoken aloud, all of a sudden, there's an exit door. The process of converting a thought to a spoken sentence allows them to leave your head and to create space for new thinking. If someone is actively listening, the more subtle thoughts that are hidden in the corners of the mind are also allowed to exit the brain. Think of it as brain cleaning.
More listening tulips, My garden, West Seattle, Spring 2023
My invitation to you is the following: during your next conversation, try to listen and take in what is being said. Allow the other person to finish their thoughts and pause. Invite the person speaking to share additional thoughts on the topic. 'And what else' is a good question to ask when you're actively listening. If you find your brain starting to solve the problem or create a solution (which is a natural reaction), return your attention to the person speaking and take in what they're saying. Stay quiet and present. And discover what happens when you do this.
I'd love to hear back from those who try this experiment. What changes do you notice about your conversations?
Neighborhood cherry blossoms, West Seattle, Spring 2023