What kinds of problems do you want to solve?

Reykjavik airport tarmac - Boarding - November, 2022

There's a magical place, somewhere out there in the future.  It's a place where our current problems are solved and life is easy. It takes the shape of any number of desires:

• When I get that job

• When I get married

• When I can buy a house

• When I can take that trip

• When I start my family

• When my kids are grown

• When I retire

• When I lose those extra pounds

It's easy to imagine over there and all of the possibilities that come with being over there.  However, over there is rarely better and rarely worse; it's just different.  There are just as many problems to solve over there as there are right here, right now. 

Ainhoa - small town in Basque region - November 2022

While raising my family, life seemed overwhelming.  Between full-time work and caring for family and home, there was rarely a spare minute.  Getting the kids to and from school/daycare/ playdates/ activities/ doctor appointments and making sure they were fed, nurtured, and educated took up most of the non-working portion of my days. I dreamed of a time when they would be older and more self-sufficient.  That time came, and then new worries started: finding coaches/tutors for activities, driving lessons, teen get-togethers, teen peer pressure, and college preparations.  Of course, when they would get to college, that’s when things would settle down.  Only then it became supporting them at college, finding housing, offering emotional support, dealing with stolen bicycles, worrying about how they were adjusting to roommates, class workloads, and managing their independence. 

Gillian and Benjamin eating lunch outside - Spring, 2001

Now that both of my children are adults with careers of their own, I have much more time for myself, but I miss them. I miss caring for them, hearing how their days went, and what they had experienced.  Hearing about their successes and challenges.  I now solve new problems: caring for my house, working at my job, building a coaching business, going to the gym, making better food choices, and caring for Wallace. 

In reaching this stage, I've realized that there is no such thing as a problem-free life.  Every situation has its own set of problems.  Even those who win the lottery have problems (isolation, scammers, debt, loss of community, and challenges with relationships).   The secret is not to wish your problems away, but in finding better solutions to your existing challenges; to grow into new ways of being. 

Staircase inside l’Eglise d’Ainhoa (church) - November 2022

As I’m one who loves to solve problems, questions I like to ask include:

• What happens if I do nothing?  Does this problem need to be solved? What are the benefits of keeping this problem?
  The streets in my neighborhood are old and narrow. And made even narrower when people parallel park their vehicles next to the curb. The result is that when driving through the neighborhood, you have to slow down and occasionally pull over to let someone else through. Some might say to ban parallel parking or widen the streets. But I’ve discovered that I like the way our streets are set up. Drivers are forced to slow down, and I don’t mind pulling over to let someone else through. I wave, they wave back and for a few moments, I’m part of a community. While some might feel like this is a problem, I rather like the situation.

• What might a successful outcome look like? I know I don’t like this particular person/place/thing, but what do I really want?
  I have a neighbor who is not so friendly. While I’d love to be on excellent terms with all of my neighbors, I have no control over this neighbor’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. So success in this case takes the form of me doing my best on my side and not spending too much time worrying about her situation. Maybe she’ll become friendlier, maybe she won’t. But I will do my best to be a good neighbor on my end.

• What type of solution does this problem need: a quick fix, or a complete overhaul?
  My dishwasher doesn't always do a good job of washing my dishes.  I end up having to prewash everything before loading it.  I've had it repaired once before and because it's a fancy dishwasher installed by the previous owner, I had to wait 6 weeks for a repair person and the repair cost was close to $1,000.   Now, I'm wondering, should I replace this dishwasher with a more standard dishwasher that will work more consistently?  Or maybe I can get by with washing most dishes by hand.  If my children were still living at home, the priority would be a new dishwasher. But it's just me and I don't mind washing my dishes by hand.  For now, things will stay the way they are, as washing my dishes by hand is a relaxing activity. 

• What are the benefits of solving this problem?  What unintended consequences might result from solving this problem?
  I have a large RV structure in my backyard that was installed by previous owners.  It's a bit of an eyesore and I've been thinking about having it taken down.  But it’s also provided temporary parking to friends who have a small RV and like to visit the area.  And it’s a covered area where I keep my firewood and my trash cans.
  However, removing it has benefits:  a larger backyard, more sunlight for my backyard plants, a potential space for a small greenhouse, and the removal of an ugly structure.  But, in thinking about this some more, I would see more of my neighbor's work-in-progress shed/garage/workspace/storage area.  This neighbor tends to have several partially finished projects around his yard and the RV structure does a good job of hiding them.  So this is something I'm still pondering.

Poetry - the poetic nature of chaos - Sculpture in Biarritz by Zigor, contemporary Basque sculptor - 2022

My takeaway is that the magical place is right here, right now.  I have so much to be grateful for, even my problems. John Kabat-Zinn says: ‘Wherever you go, there you are’. There is no problem-free life, as I’m taking myself with me wherever I go.