Is this normal?

When I was young, I remember hearing adults use the expression 'Ce n'est pas normal': translation - this isn't normal.  I don't think this was unique to the French culture, I've heard it many times over.  Adults would say this when kids did something that was unusual, unexpected or not allowed.  It was spoken in hushed tones with the expectation that this was something to be fixed.  If you overheard the adults talking about this, you were often embarrassed or felt shameful, that a part of you was broken.

Dale Chihuly - Glasshouse, Seattle

I tested the waters of 'ce n'est pas normal' many times with my French family. I was about 13-14 years old and we had just finished a Sunday family lunch. The women went into the kitchen to clean up and do the dishes and the men went into the living room to smoke and talk.  On this day, I casually walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch, not saying a word, breaking a family norm.  I watched as the men lit cigarettes and started talking about the day's news.  Soon, my uncle spotted me sitting on the couch and asked, 'why aren't you in the kitchen doing the dishes?'.   I replied ' I wanted to be here, in the living room'.  As you can probably guess, that didn't go over well. Within 30 seconds, I was sent to the kitchen to do 'women's work'.  The adults (both men and women) wondered what had gotten into me: I was not normal.

History is littered with individuals who were not only not normal, but left amazing contributions to the human race: Rosa Bonheur, Florence Nightingale, Steve Jobs, Dale Chihuly, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Rosa Parks, Albert Einstein, Vincent Van Gogh, Amelia Earhart, Maya Angelou.  Each of these individuals refused to be normal; they worked to find their voices, speak their truth and graced the world with their gifts.

Wayward sidewalk tulips - May, West Seattle

I never thought of myself as normal. I was the awkward American kid when I was with my French family, the shy French kid when I was in the US at school.  We moved around a bit, so I was often the new kid in school. I would watch the teacher and the other kids carefully, trying to decode and adjust to the norms in each classroom. I got very good at becoming a chameleon, working to fit in wherever I ended up, careful to not rock the boat. It was safer that way. I did the same in my professional life, trying to be like my colleagues and living up to their expectations.

However, In the last few years, I found playing it safe to be incredibly boring.  In the last few years in my corporate job, I have started to speak up and share my truth no matter how silly the question, or how much I may slow down the meeting with my comment.  I bother people with my concerns and the results are nothing short of amazing. Colleagues now thank me for asking the questions they had on their minds but were afraid to ask. Others come to me for my point of view.  I've had roles offered to me without even looking. I had no idea that speaking my truth would bring so much success. We also live in an era where it's much safer to break norms.  60 years ago, breaking norms often had serious consequences. Today, I love and appreciate this freedom.

Sunflowers from the Van Gogh Experience - Based on Vincent Van Gogh’s work

I have several young women clients, early in their careers, and the signs of traditional female socialization pop up over and over again: people-pleasing, waiting for permission, choosing roles that seem to be ‘the right next step', planning for a conventional and appropriate career. Together, we work to find their voices and uncover what they really want to achieve in their careers, not the logical next step.  What contributions do they want to make? Where can they stretch and grow, instead of staying stuck in old norms? How can they stop playing it safe and step into their unique voices? It's exciting to see clients discover aspects of themselves that have been kept dormant for years. I cheer for them as they take steps towards crafting lives of purpose and courage. My clients inspire me; this is why I coach. 

What extraordinary life is waiting for you on the other side of normal?